A Voice from the Light……From Ego to Beingness


My first Blog… First Posted 22nd July 2012

A Voice from the Light……From Ego to Beingness…A personal voyage into understanding the Soul of Myself. Written & amended since April 2011.

All Voice quotes and statements are in red.….Blue highlights are for me!

I wrote this as a reminder for the things I forget…

Ever since I was a kid I’ve been fascinated by the idea of who and what I am, why I’m conscious, why I have a mind and why I’m alive. In later years in a search to understand this more, I began to realise that the knowledge I had learnt of the world could not answer those essential questions, and it wasn’t until I had direct experience of what I now know as my Inner Self, that my life began to make more sense. This account then is my humble attempt to explain how I changed the way I see my world.


Towards the end of 2010 I began to receive unusually crystal clear messages about concepts that I had spent years studying, such as consciousness, spirituality, the meaning of life, where do we come from, etc. ( You know, the usual things you think about when you’re walking or washing the dishes) It began as an image of what I can only describe as a tornado or whirlwind, which I initially  ignored because I have an active imagination anyway, but after a while I realised it felt like some kind of message, a bit like a persistent daydream.

I didn’t know what to make of it at first, believing it was just something like the way a melody or a guitar riff can constantly “play” in your head, so I decided to meditate on what I thought it might be, and it soon became clear that this was a personal message and a metaphor of stillness and fury. It was showing me how my Inner tranquillity needed to push out past the eye of the storm through the swirling layers of daily life, to express itself in my daily world.

Silence in action if you like.

These initial depictions then changed to words (which is strange considering I think mostly in images) so I eventually named it “The Voice” for that indeed is what it is, yet it’s difficult to describe because although it’s my own thoughts, there is no thinking process to it the way I normally have when I think things through. There is no thoughtful deduction involved. It just suddenly downloads a statement or a sentence into what feels like the right side of my head, and I quickly try to write it down as it comes in. Unfortunately, it’s usually about 4.30 in the morning!

And so the title, A Voice from the Light was born as this book shortly afterwards and I began recording these insights at the beginning of 2011, although I must admit, I wasn’t really contemplating writing anything at the time. The last thing I thought about was sitting jotting down notes that only made sense to me.

As for what The Light in the title actually is only came to me this year, Nov 2017, of which I’ll explain more of it in another chapter.


I never intended to document this much at all, believing that recording my inner perceptions somehow removed the freshness they originally had. How wrong I was. In fact the opposite is true, for me anyway. I discovered these written observations are like photographs and songs, or smells that bring back into existence moments past, infused with the emotions of things long forgotten from conscious awareness, seemingly lifeless yet curiously still living within, like events in eternity brought to life by my imagination, and the power of memory.

I must confess that even now when I look at some of these notes and comments, I’m hard pushed to remember I actually wrote them, which is strange considering they were produced quite  recently, because at a glance they can seem like a lifetime back, yet when I actually sit and read them, it feels like only yesterday. It occasionally seems like those moments have compressed and expanded at the same time, leading me to forget and remember in equal measure, it’s a curious sensation. It sometimes feels like they were written by someone else!

It was interesting to realise that these concise messages could bridge information that was sometimes many years apart in personal learning, yet connected by experiences in the moment. I remember reading a quote by the master Osho a few years back in which he said something like, “You have to sieve a ton of earth to find an ounce of gold”, and I remember thinking, what a marvellous metaphor for revealing your true essence.

So, although I started recording the majority of this material in the last few years, the catalyst for the change actually began 26 years earlier when I transformed the way I perceived my life around the spring time of 1986, when I coincidently and synchronistically”  became acquainted with an amazing lady who was to become my Mentor and friend for the next four years, and who was without doubt, instrumental in shaping my self-understanding.

Her name is Val and she helped me on so many levels, but  particularly with “self acceptance” and “self awareness” which may sound strange to some, but as I was to realise much later,  “if you cannot accept who you really are, and you have no awareness of the process of change, you will remain in the habitual mindset of stasis”.

What is really very interesting about that time, is that I had also become disillusioned with life in general regarding where I would “end up” in the future. It seemed to me that I had unwittingly bought into the adage,” what’s meant to be, is meant to be“, without realising that strong belief systems like that can sometimes become self fulfilling prophesies“.

But before this internal change, I pretty much lived and thought along the lines of everyone else, (or at least I think I did) in that you’re born, you live, you die, and within that experience you’re educated, you learn, you work, you marry, (maybe), bring up your own family, (or even someone else’s), labour for the next forty to fifty years to feed yourself and your children, (if you have any), pay for the house, or rent, have a holiday twice a year then retire. In between all this living as it’s called, you may try to figure out what this life is all about, or you may just accept it as it is, with nothing to question.

“Just get on with it”, as my maternal grandmother used to say, “be thankful for small mercies”. “If you fall down, get up, dust yourself down and carry on”. (Confucius?) No need for government legislation to blame someone, you just fell over for god’s sake.

And so with that in mind, you hope everyone remains healthy and happy, especially the family, you have some good times with your friends and when you’re all done, you cash in your chips by way of disease, old age, accident, suicide or murder, and as the old joke goes, you say hello to someone allegedly named St Peter at the Pearly Gates who has a profit and loss account about your life and decides whether you should be in heaven or hell. Great, that’s me done. Time for the eternal rest I was promised! Now, where’s my wings and harp. Or will it be fire and brimstone.

So that’s about it then, three score years and ten, (if you’re lucky,) and we might see you on the other side so to speak. Does that sound good? Are you at the age now where the main questions in your head are, Where did my life go, and, who the hell am I really”? Shocking isn’t it when you realise you know virtually nothing about who you truly are and sometimes cannot see the reasons why life turned out the way it did. But it’s never too late to find out.

The change I am alluding to about myself was the realisation that we (or should I say I, because I don’t know if it’s true for everyone else,) human beings are far more than just flesh and blood, and even the things we take for granted, are far more complex than I could ever had imagined them to be. I discovered, (If that’s the correct term) there is in essence two aspects to me that can be perhaps plainly understood as my rational mind (although that’s sometimes debatable) and my feeling self, a logical way of thinking and an innate perception, maybe my conscience versus my ego, or perhaps to put it another way, my heart and mind, and their seemingly infinite expressions of life.

You may think, “well, everybody knows that, everyone knows about how they think and feel, nothing special there”, and up to a point that’s true because we all do, but the funny thing is, it seems beyond that, they don’t. In fact many people beyond a certain point don’t appear to have a clue about what’s going on inside them, and you may also well ask, how do I know this? The answer is simple. I asked them.. I’ve literally asked hundreds of people from all walks of life over the years, either directly or indirectly, why they think their lives are the way they are, and why they do what they do, and they either don’t know, or don’t want to!

 (Now just to clarify, I’m not talking about choosing a career or why you have ended up with the partner you have, your likes and dislikes etc. I’m talking about Knowing Yourself, who you Really are, what makes you tick when there’s no one around to distract you or tell you who, “they think you are”……..I mean when you close your eyes at night and the Inner Silence of  darkness descends to reveal The Real You.)

It seems they reach a certain point then stop from wanting to know more of who they are.

(I’ve often thought if we all have some sort of built in saturation point that can take no more of the onslaught of life, (and death), and so we just accept it for what it is, and in so doing, we lose that sense of wonderment we have as kids, that sense that there’s always more to learn.)

The usual answers I heard for why things turned out the way they did were a mixture of fate and circumstance, time and blame, and all of them are responsible too varying degrees. “Sometimes things are just meant to be”, they’d say. I got sick of fighting the system. What’s the point of everything? Time just ran out, and so on, and so forth, etc, etc. These statements then become a living reality which dulls the mind and takes away the sheen of the spirit.

I know. As I said, I’ve done it myself. Over the years I’ve blamed all kinds of various situations, (and people), that created the drama’s and events which then produced the fate, (or the outcome) that I subsequently blamed on the circumstances or others, which then afterwards I didn’t have the time, (or the inclination) to consider why they happened the way they did in the first place.  It’s easy to blame things.

But blame stops you growing, so you stay where you are… irrespective of who’s right or wrong. And even worse, the blame festers and never heals!..(Until you shine Light into it)

Therefore, part of my own reasons for the questioning everyone at the time was also to do with the fact I wasn’t sure who “I” was anymore either because of this shifting awareness that saw life from two differing perspectives. One from a conditioned mind set of que sera, sera”, the other that was free of it.

It was, as I was to find out, a measurement and comparison exercise against myself to see if I was crazy, or should I say, outside mainstream opinion. I didn’t know that then, but I needed to see if these people were more or less thinking the same as me. They weren’t!  Or didn’t seem to be.

I soon discovered that I had seemingly experienced what is sometimes described as altered states, which is, as it transpires, the perception and knowledge that there are other “levels” of consciousness within us that exist far beyond, deeper and higher than our current normal comprehension allows for.

It appears for most people these unknown levels within us are only accessed when we have extreme stress and tension in our normal day to day lives such as fear, panic, scary scenarios and anything that can pull us off center. I know for myself when some of these experiences have happened to me over the years they produced a very strange almost unreal slow motion effect on my reality. It seemed like I was watching myself in some kind of lucid dream, half in this world, half in another, like when I nearly drowned as a seven year old, my first (known) conscious out of body experience I had when I was seventeen and the car crash I was in at eighteen.

Yet I was also to discover those same states could be reached through the opposite of fear and fright, such as the Buddhist techniques of meditation, concentration, contemplation and absorption.

(I also discovered a new technique just lately which I’ve named, “suspended thought”, where I “freeze” a thought or a scene like a photograph then examine it like a painting whilst also trying to neutralise it effect on me. To make it impersonal if you like! It’s very interesting, but hard work for my mind that wants to continuously wander).

But beyond all that and all these Lucid sensations, I stepped into what I can only describe  “The Void”, no up, no down, no left, no right etc. A kind of mental quietness where I’m aware that something is different, yet the same, but it’s outside my mind’s normal coherence, just seemingly hanging in space like suspended animation where the continuity of normal perception changes, and creates an unfamiliar world right inside me without any logic or reason to it.

You suddenly realise all the knowledge based information that we accumulate through external learning has no reference whatsoever in the realm of this Inner Place, where everything appears as abstract, ever changing and fluid…… Yet still. !! It’s a remarkable sensation.

I discovered in those moments that I had, The ability to just live without giving meaning to everything”. To just BE!

Was this then the True Me I was experiencing? Was thisThe Real Self” which the Sages from the Ages all spoke about? If so, I didn’t have any reference for it, yet bizarrely it’s me, and even more bizarrely, so many things I had questioned before about life, suddenly made sense. These incidents of asking “Why” now became, “Oh, I See”! I began to perceive in those fleeting episodes, a knowledge and insight that everything is either directly or indirectly related, and existence was not just a succession of incidents and accidents, but that it has a purpose, and a reason for being.

It was like seeing “The essence of Nature as it is, rather than what I thought it was”. I was seemingly inside it looking out, rather than outside looking in.  In my imagination afterwards, it appeared like I was a mixture of atoms and mind that produced what I began too much later call, Atomic Consciousness, where the Universe we all live in is not only alive, but conscious too. Everything is interconnected because it’s a Living Energy System. I used to believe life was just a random process of events…

I was wrong.


The euphoria of reaching that place of stillness that practiced deep meditation brings was amazing, yet I didn’t meditate to attain it! At the time I was a beginner anyway, so it happened out of the blue, so to speak. This Transcendental Experience that nearly swallowed me up, (which I’ll explain later) was part of a series of processes that allowed me to perceive with a perception that was beyond what I now know is my ego self, or should I now say, my `ego-mind’, which as I mentioned above, is the conditioned aspect of me that I came to recognize has a very narrow view of what It thinks life is, rather than what life really is. It’s like seeing life through a port hole without realising you’re on a ship!

As the months followed on from these experience’s, I sought more than ever the guidance of my mentor. Thankfully, she had a remarkable grasp of what I was going through at the time. She encouraged me to analyse my changing nature from a rational perspective as well as feeling one, and kept reminding me the aim was always to remain balanced.  She constantly repeated to me that having out of control emotions or unhinged thoughts was a waste of time and energy for anyone walking what she called, “the path of the spirit”.


Nevertheless, I have spent many an hour perusing the seemingly contradictory aspects of my subjective experiences versus the objective world we live in.

From a logical view, I thought my living universe perspective was an error because I had been led to believe that space is devoid of life (as we “think” we know it) and evolution was just the physical development that shaped the Earth by a  supposedly random, yet naturally selected process…. (A random natural selection! Is that a contradiction?)

Yet I somehow also knew that life, and nature exists everywhere regardless of external conditions, and it is, it seems, extremely intelligent.


So, with that in mind, and Val’s help, I began to explore many other alternative thought systems. She encouraged me to remain aware of what I was studying rather than blindly reading by rote. In hindsight, this was a marvellous tool that helped me stretch my mentality because I began to see patterns in this information that corresponded with what I perceived. Within these many various wise authors’ words, it became apparent the same subject matter they were talking about was also what I had experienced too, but they naturally expressed it from their own advanced perceptions, which I hasten to add, were a lot clearer than mine.

I was puzzled at first, thinking I was falling short of my own expectations, but Val informed me time and again that wisdom and truth are truly personal and not to worry too much about comparisons. It was Awareness that counts, and because I was new to this kind of material, I would in time extract what I needed for my own personal perspective as I grew.

In my quest to understand more, I voraciously devoured book after book, cramming my head full of any information that related to anything I perceived to be that wisdom and truth. With Val’s suggestions and my own synchronistic book choice,  I literally went through everything I could find regarding these different belief and thought systems, from Indian & Chinese Philosophy, Buddhism, Tibetan and Zen, Theosophy, Edgar Cayce, Robert A Monroe, Paul Brunton, Alice A Bailey, Carlos Castenada, Findhorn philosophy, White Eagle philosophy, Arnold M Patent’s Universal Principle’s, Alan Watts Zen philosophy, and lots of other stuff I’ve forgotten at the moment, but the three authors who had a big impact on me then and now were the Enlightened works of  Krishnamurti, Omraam Mikhael Aïvanhov and Paramahansa Yogananda, (especially his book, Autobiography of a Yogi, a must read for anyone interested in comprehending the insightful Spiritual aspects and Higher Wisdom of themselves).

So within that,  I found that yoga as an exercise was good for me, but as a philosophy, it had a profound effect on my thinking, yet I now know if I hadn’t been ready to grasp its idea’s, I might as well have been reading fiction. As I was to learn, many of the concepts described by their viewpoint were unfamiliar to my aforementioned conditioned western mind set, and this new information was beyond my normal understanding then, but beginning to make sense very quickly.

Over the years that followed I must have read in excess of 300/400 (a conservative estimate) of amazing books by amazing authors who have wrote some amazing things, yet I came to understand that the books themselves were not enough for a deeper comprehension of who I was. They sure had a lot of knowledge in them, but it wasn’t mine. It was, as I was to discover,

“A borrowed understanding, not a living experience”

This was a profound realisation, helped of course in part by reading the above literature, but as I now say to myself these days, (usually when I’m hoovering,) “I can read all the Buddhist Scriptures in existence, but it won’t make me Enlightened”. That State belongs in another realm altogether.­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­


So, what is it that allows me to transcend the mind, yet still perceive? Or am I even doing that? Does thought come from consciousness or is it the other way round, because I can be consciously aware yet not be thinking, and my reverie’s are outside the thought patterns I normally have, including day dreaming and imagination. Like most people, I know the difference. Could it just be part of the mind that has yet to be uncovered, or is the conscious mind just a smaller part of a larger phenomenon that we do not yet understand.

If so, can it only be reached by “surrendering or balancing the ego, which then allows my deeper Inner Being to be revealed”, and it’s this that is the actual perceiver, the true consciousness of the Self that shapes our perception through the mechanism of the minds experience of our sensory world and the environment we live in? Could this be the reality of my earlier image of “The Eye of the Storm”, the stillness where my “No Mind” resides? Yet the general accepted view is that the ego itself is the conscious part of who we are. What a dilemma.


I discovered this veiled information of who we are is all about us, both inside and out, visible and invisible, but to truly understand it, you have to uncover and decipher it yourself.  Like many others before me, I discovered one of the most effective ways to access it is through silence and meditation as taught by the ancient wisdoms of antiquity.


The various breathing techniques used in yoga are very helpful because it definitely reduces the mental overload of scrambled egg in my head, yet it’s easier said than done, and I’ve noticed this “controlled breathing” can change my brain from conceptual thinking to creative visualisation.

This seems to give my mind the room to see something from a different perspective.  A kind of Sacred Space of silence if you like.

I have to say, my version of what works for me may be different to yours on that level, and this alas, is the basic difficulty with this kind of personal experience. It seems sometimes it cannot be exactly replicated due to the fact that we’re all different. But it’s worth a try.

Reading, thinking and sharing with like minded others also has a great benefit, but as I just mentioned, it’s not until it becomes a living process inside of you, that you begin the journey in over. I’ve had many a conversation with many a person about what works best, yet I’ve discovered, your own way is the best way.

 It seems there are also other ways we can communicate with ourselves other than just thinking or feeling. The altered states I mentioned previously is another example of an understanding that is beyond what I would call my rational self.


To give you an example of what I unearthed, The Sages and Adepts of antiquity and modern day speak of the various “planes” and “subtle bodies” that surround what they understand as the “Auric Field” or (Aura) of human beings, a kind of electromagnetic and superconscious matrix of energies that can be seen within an egg shaped cocoon that extends far beyond the skin.(and our minds!) Advanced Yogi’s say they can see it as it ebbs and flows according to our moods and health, (they state it’s even possible to discern a person’s soul evolution by observing it), The description of this energy has various names in different cultures, but we in the west have come to know it as, Chi, Prana, Kundalini Energy, Ki, Lifeforce, etc, and it’s apparently present in all living things.

(Can you imagine trying to explain this to your average intellectual rationalist? What a laugh you would have)

 I now know myself that I am more than body and brain, and so with that in “mind”, I now accept expanded consciousness is possible. If this appears hard to believe, I know how you feel, (I had a few problems myself with it in the beginning) but it’s not for me to convince you of anything. You’ll have to make your own mind up.

I mention this because one of the things that used to really bug me over the years was going to some seminars to listen to some people speak of their spiritual experiences with a “quiet insistence” that their way was the “correct” way. That‘s just tosh.

It’s like seeing a “bad medium” who just cold reads you and what you say, and then tries to tell you what you really already know! By all means share what you’ve learnt, but don’t pretend you’re a Guru when you aren’t, (it’s this pretence that gives a person’s authentic gift a bad name). For me there are no absolutes (certainly not at this level of consciousness) because everyone sees and experiences things differently.

That said, I have to say It’s good to acquire additional information and know-how from other people like therapists, healers, practitioners etc, who sometimes have years of experience, yet for me I always had this peculiar inner resistance to some of their methods even though I could see their value.  It was really like, the more they insisted, the more I resisted.

Implying that something a person is doing is wrong in their studies of self reflection, can be very unhelpful, and even more so if it’s stated by someone who hasn’t attained any real self understanding themselves, but “believe” they have!

If Life is my true teacher and it’s changing all the time, so must I with it. (Until I fully understand its message.) Having stubborn beliefs is the equivalent of mental arthritis. An inflexible mind is the same as an inflexible body. It will create pain when you need to bend a little.


I mention this because it took a long time to figure it out why I personally struggled with what I thought was their seemingly professed authority….It’s because I don’t like it! In them, or myself!

I discovered there are two main reasons, the first being, because I’m a great believer in synchronicity, or co-incidence, if you like. I like to feel my way through things that pertains to my own personal development. How can someone tell you what’s best for you when they don’t even know themselves. It’s laughable, and beyond the surface of our minds, Only You can truly understand Yourself.….The second….. I’ll tell you about  later!!


There is much that I discovered previously that didn’t fully resonate then as it does now, but experience and living allowed me to adapt to this changing inner knowledge.

I originally thought it was just a question of practice, which I associated with discipline, yet Wisdom is neither of those things, and as I was to find out, it can be a very slow burner sometimes. It comes when it’s ready, and when you’re ready to recognise it, so it’s also a question of timing. I truly discovered, “Sometimes today’s message is actually tomorrow’s lesson”.  Another profound realisation for me!


I frequently shift outside daily life these days. I regularly just Stop the World and change from its seeming continuity. I often stand still in a supermarket and let everything move on, or pull into a lay-by when I’m driving. The world spins at eighteen miles a second (so I believe) so I let the entire Universe go about its business while I stand motionless. It’s a glorious feeling, and no one knows a thing about it. (Apart from Ange) I would just appear to be blank if you spoke to me. A vacant stare from an empty mind! One of my own private jokes in eternity!

Alternatively, if I feel I need a Buddhist quote to remind me of something, I’ll find it when I need it. If I know I just need to walk in silence by a river, in a park, in a forest, beach or mountain top, then I will. If I need to strum a few chords or play a bit of the Blues while I’m doing something else, I will. It actually refreshes my mind and ironically helps me to refocus. This list is endless depending on what floats your boat, and our Inner Intelligence is freely available at all times if we care to listen.

A True Guide (and I must say, I haven’t met many) would never tell you what to do,it’s more of a suggestion without expectation”, yet in the past, I myself have sometimes overstepped the mark in my efforts to explain something I believed could be of benefit to others. I frequently get very clear insights into other people’s problematic situations, but what’s the use of me seeing it. I have truly discovered that, “You have to learn your own lessons”.

Nevertheless, sharing an insight may be all that’s necessary at the time to help someone who is actually asking for a different perspective, but it is the asking that makes the difference. I’ve finally understood I cannot intrude in another’s free will choice, regardless of whether I can see a better way around something.

If something negative is their crucial lesson, then so be it. Sometimes the Hard Way is the right way. Occasionally you have to do things you don’t want to do in order to understand the things you do want. I personally believe most natural people would prefer to truly comprehend themselves rather than wander aimlessly through life, and to take it a step further, I am still learning that,  To know what I need is a far greater gift than thinking it’s what I want.

I remember telling my mother one day that she couldn’t keep me wrapped in cotton wool because my life was waiting for me. It seems there are some situations that are destined to occur because it truly is our fate, or karma to have it, yet rationally, it’s very difficult to discern if it’s by accident or design…. (I used to say nonsense too but I don’t now)


Anyhow, like I said, I have met many over the years who have announced to me I should be doing this or doing that, what to wear, what to eat, informing me my solar plexus is at odds with my third eye chakra, that I have the wrong coloured clothes on, that my aura is cloudy today, telling me some ascended master, spirit guide or cat has just told them to tell me about it!! Sometimes this stuff is a load of absolute bollocks, spoken by people who I sometime think don’t really understand what true spirituality is.

They seem to come from their own inflated, self-important egos rather than the Humility of the Spirit.  I can spot ego bullshit from fifty yards and even if I miss it for whatever reason, (I’m not a Sage yet) I can sometimes feel and hear “what they didn’t say”, afterwards. (My antenna is very sensitive these days and I’m starting to understand, “The past is always available in the Timeless Now”.) If it’s that significant to my life, my Overself will inform me . (And usually what other people’s real intentions are! One of the many rewards of Inner Awareness.)

Yet having said that, I do realise that there are many human beings (and cats) that do have true gifts (strangely even with the aforementioned human self importance) who are capable of being very clear channels for higher consciousness or higher knowledge, although please remember, we are all, Plugged into the same source.

The reason I mention this again is because your own personal conscious discernment, your Inner Knowingness (not your ego) is the true key to understanding yourself. It’s attuned to all your own energetic frequencies that are unique to you, because it contains all of who you are. Listen to its Voice….”it’s a Whisper from the Soul”…..


And so, I live and learn too. I discovered over time that my eagerness to help was often misunderstood because of many various and diverse reasons, but from me, it was always from the Heart. (To infringe on another’s Free Will without permission creates Karmic Debt, and it Will be paid, either now or later, and sometimes in a manner not always immediately understood ).

Alas, some people can interpret this as prying, but it isn’t, and it never was…. I’m simply not that interested in anyone’s personal business, (unless it affects me). I am however, fascinated by how and why they perceive life as they do, irrespective of their lifestyle, education or status. From kids to kings, it matters not.


In comparing this alternative way of perceiving from an external view, the ordered rules of our physical world seem much more simple to follow because they are easier to comprehend, but with that in mind, it became clear that when it comes to knowing my Inner Self, these structured systems aren’t the obvious choice for understanding our individual uniqueness.

It is true there is much I can glean about my own actions from the behavioural social sciences, but understanding my psyche beyond that is a rather different matter. It appears no people see the world the same and while we do, as humanity, seem to follow many predicable patterns of behaviour, there is no absolute manual for anyone.

On one level, it’s amazing that science has discovered so much about neuroscience, genome research, physics, psychology, etc, yet on another, it cannot measure consciousness,

the very essence of who we are.

Beyond my body, everything I am is intangible. If it wasn’t for the above-mentioned behavioural aspects of my daily reactions or responses, articulated through our personalities, character and temperaments, no one would really know who we are.They are the outer reflection of our inner lives, yet there is still much that remains hidden. On a simplistic level, human beings are perceivers and responders to sensory information and it’s essentially the expression of this process that allows us to understand ourselves and others.



It may surprise you to know, there are some occasions when I think what I’ve uncovered about seeing the world in different ways could be complete tosh. After all, the logical, factual, mental left brain tells me there is no empirical proof about what I’ve perceived is true, (I really am a true sceptic, not a cynic) when it comes to new information, yet I cannot dismiss personal experience either.

If I then shift to looking at something with imagination or feeling, do I then lose my capacity to logically conceptualise? The answer is no, because my natural instinct tells me, this is very interesting but it’s still framed within an idea I can comprehend.

The predicament I have, as previously mentioned, is my Inner Self and/or The Void which is experientially beyond that……

I suppose I could argue it’s like switching between linear and lateral thinking, yet I need both to function for a balanced perspective.  And so it became clear that to deduce something as absolute with just logic, can sometimes produce a half truth. I often wonder could this be the reason why I sometimes think its tosh.

To get a fuller picture of these perceptions I presumably must use the faculties of reason and imagination to rationalise and speculate what is happening, but when it comes to evaluating unusual occurrences caused by a shifting away from normal awareness, I have to trust my Inner Knowingness. The instinct to know without proof.

After all, if I insist only on reasoning, I may miss something else in my awareness, and a true understanding will elude me. The opposite of that is also true, yet how, for instance can you explain intuition with reason?  To know without deduction. Yet we all do it!

The perception of this personal experiential data, can cause me to question the validity of what’s happening. If it was just an issue of evaluating my five senses, I would probably have a much better understanding of what was going on, but this Inner Stillness strays into the realm of the unknown side of who I am, and I know it does.

It would probably be much easier to evaluate if it was like everyday life, because we are adapted to understanding the physical world we live in, yet as many of us know, perception is far beyond seeing with one’s eyes, what about blind people, they still perceive. What about the late, great Helen Keller!

It seems our sensory information does indeed pass through our own experiential mind-window before we can make “sense” of things. I suppose the least I can do is make sure my screen is clean.

 There is apparently a Native American saying that states, “No man can tell another what to do”, and I for one wholeheartedly agree, because each person is responsible for how they see their lives, yet there is much wisdom to be gleaned from these indigenous Cultures who seek to teach that sometimes a simple sharing can help us glimpse a new way of seeing.

The Enlightened works of the Masters also present the message that you have to find your own way, too. It seems these extremely Wise Souls understood that man’s “Natural Inner Knowingness would eventually become Conscious Understanding”, but you have to break, dismantle or transcend the grip and power of the limited self-important ego-self to do soThis is the key that opens the door to that reality.

 Insisting only one way or one system is the right way can be very confusing in my humble perception. Life itself has infinite possibilities at every moment, far beyond the words of a book no matter how true those words are, but it was Buddha himself, who said something like,

“Doubt everything, find your own Light”


So, with all that in mind, am not asking anyone to believe what I write, and I make no claims that any of this information is technically correct. That’s not a negative comment, it’s realistic. (My personal subjective experiences are my own and after all, some of my perceptions can change in a moment).  It’s simply my own work in progress and it makes sense to me. Exact classifications are impossible because I cannot completely define who and what I am yet, and so for now, I have no Proof of my Truth”, so to speak.

The reason I state this now is because these following pages are of personal insights that have come to me over many years of self enquiry, personal research, and  everyday mindful living, shaped from an intense curiosity in trying to understand who and what I am.

In my quest to understand life, and how I fit in it, I’ve finally grasped that I, and presumably you, are as I said earlier, much more than we can even imagine.

We are all free to see the world as we like, and all opinions are valid, but this personal Inner Growth process I’m going through is about, “The understanding of me, not the explaining of you”.

Yet even with that in mind, I decided to share my perceptions, and if they make some sense, then maybe that’s good.

If not, well Adios Amigo……..No harm done. (Didn’t mean to waste all your time reading this). I don’t need to insist you agree with me.

What difference will it make to you anyway if I’m wrong?

And so, without further ado, welcome to Tones World………




Delusion or Illusion

Delusion or Illusion

16th Apr. 2012 4.30am

Had to write this as quick as I could. It’s about a question concerning attachment and expectation. This is what I got. Not what I expected.


Here’s a Thought,

What if everything I think I know is an illusion?

What if my mind is so fantastic that it has the ability to create my entire life from mental projections?

What if the whole of this physical reality is a solidified dream and only seems solid because my thoughts make them that way are, because apart from my body feeling “real”, the rest of me is invisible and intangible.

What if life only exists because my thought and belief implies it does, and the world and indeed the universe are just mental projections. After all, I’ve never actually seen the universe beyond what I see from earth. What if it’s an illusion? I’m told it’s vast yet mostly empty, just like an atom, yet paradoxically full of strange stuff like dark energy and dark matter. I’ve read the human brain and the universe share remarkable similarities, yet is that just a Mental Cosmic Mind at work reflecting itself into everything to make it look like reality into our seemingly separate minds? Is that what the idea of God is, just a Conscious Mind or Thought Hologram reflected in everything? What if our minds are just smaller holograms like it? What would I do if I woke up tomorrow and realised I had spent the last 52 years in a deluded asylum known as humanity, where everyone else was a just a holographic projection of my own deluded mind, because theirs, and mine, are all seemingly programmed to the same frequency that produces a three dimensional screen that acts like an infinite mirror reflecting itself back to us.

How would I feel about that? How would I know that was true?

What if all the time and effort put into learning something like history or maths or medicine or music was nothing more than a mind projection in a concentrated dream. Does a dream have an atomic substance to it? Does my imagination? How does thought change to form? Is it through creativity? What if everything already exists within this Mind and the process of what we call creativity is just the discovering of what already exists within this Mind of Infinite Complexity?

My rationale mind would not accept that idea and nor do I suspect, would yours. But what if it’s true?

What if the seemingly rational mind is so deluded, because it exists in this illusion, is completely wrong, no matter how clever it “Thinks” it is.


What if the scientific laws of physics or chemistry or maths only exist because we all think they do.

What if this mind simply creates them as a real three dimensional world because that’s where we think we live, which in turn helps us to make sense of where we think we are? It would be like creating meaning from belief. Substance from nothing!

Millions of people believe Jesus and Buddha existed, but what if they didn’t.

How would you feel about that? You weren’t there when they lived, were you! How do you know they were real? What is it they said, that makes them so special to you? What if thesupposed Love of Jesus and the apparent Wisdom of Buddha were just phantom thoughts that appeal to a deluded sense of mental morality?

What if religion is just another idea of mass delusion? Would this change the way you see yourself in the world? What if science and religion only seem real because our minds make It so on this level.

What if all the things you think you are, were an illusion too. What if you are just a spectre of your own mind play that exists as nothing more than a thought form in a particular dimension that appears to be solid, yet in reality, is nothing more than a vibrational frequency that only allows us to see height, width and depth as real because our mind senses are so restricted to this dimension. What about the idea of time as the fourth dimension. How can time be a dimension when it’s just an abstract idea of movement and change. Or is it?

What is the fourth dimension? What does that mean. How does time have four dimensions? Is it the connection of time that joins height, width and depth that gives us the idea of dimension number four? That must mean space creates time between the three dimensions, yet they all exist at once. Don’t they? An object like a mountain exists at once, so how does it contain time apart from when time was used to form it? If we glance up and down this mountain, I suppose you could argue that takes time, albeit microseconds, to look from top to bottom, side to side, yet the mountain exists in its entirety without our version of taking time to see it. This world we all live on apparently exists Now, as an entire planet in this moment, yet we’ve divided it up into twenty four time segments because of the mathematics of geometry. What if the Mind has no Size, or Time. What then?

What if the physics of this planet are all mind constructs? Things like light, colour and sound are just vibrations, aren’t they?  Does colour or sound have three dimensions, or four, or two. Does a rainbow have physical depth; I’ve personally never seen the side of a rainbow. Maybe it does. Does the strummed chord on a guitar have depth, or width? If so, how? How would sound have three dimensions in our brains? How would colour?  Yes I can hear a sustained note that is played and I can also detect many different hues in colour, but is that three dimensional. Or is it just a decoded mind brain vibration that takes time to register, so just appears to be? What if the actual distance between our eyes and colours we see, doesn’t exist? What if the actual gap between our ears hearing and the sound we hear, doesn’t exist either.

Apparently, the space between objects has no actual spacial location. It cannot be measured. It just exists. This isn’t made up! So where for instance is the dimension of silence.  In space? In the brain? What if you’re blind or deaf. What then. It must be the mind. Does it actually exist as a measurable point? How do you measure silence? With time? It may be quiet for a moment, a minute, an hour, yet is there such a thing as true silence? Cats and bats can hear things we cannot, so what would silence sound like to them?

Is thought itself silent, is the mind actually physically quiet even though brain scans and MRIs detect activity. Does it make sound? Just because thought appears to move does that mean it actually does. It might just change frequency and so to us, it appears to move. Everything on this planet that isn’t natural was created by human thought, by human ideas, by the Mind. And it all appears physical within time?

What if it isn’t? What if there are no dimensions because our senses aren’t real either? What if there is no beginning, middle and end that make up the third dimension. What if they are just thought forms of an idea that reality is real and our brains are just decoders of those vibrations? Why can we generally perceive just the seven main colours of white light, or seven main musical notes within musical sound when there may be millions of other vibrations around us at any one time, yet we cannot, without instrumentation, perceive them. Is that the limitation of the third dimensional mind?

Our perception of sight apparently rotates the image on the retina so “reality”doesn’t appear to be upside down. What if we are? How and why does it do that? To correct a visual anomaly? How do we know how to do that? Is that really happening, or is it an illusion? The people who live on the opposite side of the world are upside down compared to us, aren’t they? Does that seem logical? What if this is just created by this Mind, and logic doesn’t really exist as a standalone reality at all. Where does this logic exist? How do we recognise logic? Is it physical or is it mind! What if we live in an atomic soup with no definition other than what our particular thought forms create, and it has absolutely no meaning at all.

Science insists The Big Bang created all we see and experience, yet religion ascertains it was created by God, science and faith side by side, yet so far away from each other. But what if they’re both wrong. What then.

What if it’s just,  “A Causal Cosmic Mind that somehow creates the idea of consciousness and energy, and we are all just part of its reality”? You may laugh, but the idea of an enormous explosion or a Supreme Being is equally as funny. And questionable.

What if that was the true reality of what you think existence is. Would it change the way you are?

Would you see yourself differently?

What if all the knowledge I have amassed over the years was worthless illusion. Just a gathering recognition of the same Cosmic Mind that I’m already part of.

What would be the point of knowledge beyond the idea of that Mind? How could that other knowledge even exist beyond the idea of this Infinite Mind that contains everything? How could you use it in a world of virtual reality, of virtual thought? A mind reality where concept and form only belong to a mental construct..


What if all the things I think I’ve learnt about my own spirituality, are unreal too? Things like, Aura’s and their subtle bodies, where vibration ebbs and flows in and out of our seemingly physical reality, the Chakras, Vibrational Healing,  the Akashic Records, Astral Universe, Karma, Gnostic Knowledge, The Soul,  yoga philosophy, earth energies, even my own perception of the True Self.

What about all the earliest races that have reputedly lived here on Earth like the Titans, the Cyclopeans, the Ancient Lyrans, the people of An, The Lemurians, the Atlanteans, The ancient races of the Cosmos, UFOs, God him/her/Itself…All delusions of the mind?

Maybe they are. Maybe psychology is correct in its assumption that everything is just the mind. How do you feel about that. And, if this is true, so must this be, this mental Mindscape of reality.


It is assumed that the conscious aspect of who we are is the ego, yet what if there is no ego, because that’s a delusion of the mind too, it simply does not exist. We just presume it does because of a mental aberration that we think to be real because our minds insist it is. You can’t have it both ways using the ego as a separate thing to try and explain you to yourself, or others. That’s the mind tricking you into thinking that it’s real.


No emotions either, because that’s the mind pretending to be moved by its own creations. There cannot be any Love, empathy or affection because by the very definition of this mind delusion, love is also an illusion. So you don’t’ love your wife, husband, partner, kids, family, your cats, dogs, pets etc. You cannot Love all these things because it’s just a “Vibrational Attraction” created by the mind, so you just Think you do because you vibrate at the same frequency, and it’s this that creates the apparent bond.  They are an illusion, meaningless.

What if we actually Know Nothing because we’re looking for the answer outside this Infinite Mind while using our finite mind to understand it. What if it’s been duped into thinking that. Would you accept that may be possible, or would you insist you were right? How would you know if you were? Logic? Reason? Intuition? Science? What if they all these things belong to the Cosmic Mind and are just reflected into our minds by way of resonance or vibration. Could you measure our knowledge against Its? How could we understand Infinity with our finite minds if we believe ourselves to be separate from it? You would need to know how everything within this mind works to make an attempt at a conclusion, yet it moves continuously in every direction at once, and you still have the problem of thinking you’re apart from it. What a Mind f*ck.

How the Cosmic Mind must laugh at its own Cosmic Jokes, otherwise known as humanity.

And remember, You don’t Love anything, you just think you do. Love is just a delusion. Does that “feel” right?


What about this world we all live with its apparent problems like famine, suffering and dying people is that an illusion too, are they just thought forms of the mind like you and I, created by this Infinite Mind. Things like religion, politics, war, power, money, oil, gas, are all total tosh. The sun does not exist nor does the moon or the planets. Gravity is a nonsense.  All are delusions because in the reality of this Mind there is no real day and night, light and shade, hot and cold, hard and soft etc. They’re all just vibrations the Mind gives shape and meaning to, and so because we are part of this Greater Mind, it seems real.

Your face in the mirror on a morning is just a mental construct that you love or hate, as is work, life, living, lovers, death. They’re all ghosts of the mind, a trick of the light, nothing is real. Mental projections that seem so genuine because this incredible Mind produces solidified thoughts and solidified bodies in solidified worlds, yet all are atomically empty..Our brains and mind operating from inside our completely black dark skulls that uses sense vibrations to create meaning from a nonsensical outer mind! It’s just utter baloney.


So, I may ask, how does the mind control all of this then? The simple answer is that it doesn’t, it doesn’t need to. it’s just a dream vibration and all we see are its reflections and echoes. Each one of us is totally irrelevant in it because we are all the same.

The seeming infinity of the universe is nothing but an infinite thought that thought itself into seeming existence, just like our own thoughts do. The Big bang and God joined by thought, like the two mirrors of Yin and Yang that are alive because of their universal attraction, a pushing and pulling that creates eternal movement that’s reflected out into infinity and back again. Where every reflection seems to be both real and illusory.

It’s All One Thought, Expressed Infinitely. It’s just the mind playing tricks on itself…Again…and again. Round and round in circles, wheels within wheels, universes within universes, dreams within dreams, each one always different yet all the same. The immeasurable Mind of Infinity just exploring and reflecting itself from every conceivable angle of its own existence. Like perpetual motion with no beginning and no end. The infinite Mind of eternity on a journey through forever.


What if everything you ever thought of as real is just the mind playing tricks on us. You may ask, what’s the point? Why would it go to such lengths to deceive us into believing it’s real.

The answer is simple, It Doesn’t….. but you will have to find out why for yourself…..




Yet consider this.

What if this seeming deception is a product of a limited human mind that creates an ego within the third dimension which then manifests a free will, or free mind, to create its own reality, and in so doing, perceives itself to be Separate from the Cosmic Mind?


What if this Mind can produces the same effect as light in that it’s a wave and a particle held together by consciousness to help our minds make sense of the idea of duality, and what we call reality? Could this mind be like the single photon that can pass through two gaps which then produces two from one? How is that possible? Is it because the Universal Mind is everywhere at once?

One photon with two outcomes. How about One Mind with infinite outcomes?

So the next question should be…..What causes it?… Why does this Cosmic Mind bother to reveal itself to itself?

I’m afraid you’ll have to find your own answers.

Why not ask God…Hmm, what does S/He It know? Maybe Oneness needs no answers…..It just IS! It’s just Mind.


Does this leave you frustrated. There’s sometimes nothing like stretching the senses through frustration. There’s sometimes nothing better than being annoyed, so the self important ego mind loosens its grip on you, the Real You.

In the Doors Of Perception, Aldous Huxley stated something like, “For once, this interfering neurotic was out of the way”….

Is that what your ego is? A Mental Nut-job in a deranged society creating havoc with everything it touches! An interfering neurotic that thinks it’s clever enough to know all the answers! But doesn’t.


Does this scenario sound unlikely to you? What if it’s true? How far do want to go with insisting the mind creates everything in the universe, including you. Did it create you? Did you create it? If so, How? Where does this Mind come from?

If your answer is yes, it’s all in the mind, then everything above could be true. If your answer is no…..Well Now…….

Don’t get so attached to your own expectations. Not all your thoughts are true.

So here’s a thought. What if everything I think I know is an illusion?


Just a THOUGHT!!!!